You get used to physical pain: you synchronise your breathing to its throbbing waves, you are ready for the waves to surge up and you can wait for the waves to die down. But the pains of humiliation are unbearable, and it is impossible to endure the suffering caused by your own helplessness. At first Abdulla attributed Vinokurov’s brutality to the fact that he was a Russian, but he then recalled that among the men who searched his house there had been an interrogator who spoke Uzbek like a Tatar, replacing all his ‘j’s with ‘y’s.

Лўққиллаган оғриққа ҳам кўникса бўларкан: нафасингни оғриқ тўлқинларига мослайсан-да, бу мавжнинг авжини атайин кутасан, лекин адолатсизлик аламига чидаб бўлмайди, кучсизлик азобига бардош бериш қийин. Абдулла аввалига анавининг бағритошлигинию юрагини анор қилиб эзган бу оғриқни унинг ўрислигига йўйди, бироқ уйидан чиқаверишида афтидан андироқ татар терговчининг “ий”лаганроқ талаффузидаги гаплари эсига тушди: “Сини биз билябиз. Уртақларинг барлиғини бизгя йеткургянляр...”

Abdulla recalled a day from his own childhood, when he had dressed up in new trousers and an Uzbek gown to go to the Christmas tree celebrations. The caretaker at his Russian-language school stopped him at the school gates. ‘Have you become a kaffir now?’ the man grumbled, raising his stick to deal Abdulla a terrific blow on the thigh. The literature teacher, seeing this, hurried over and rebuked him: ‘This is a celebration of the birth of Jesus son of Mary, and Jesus is a prophet of yours!’ Abdulla’s leg was bleeding and his new trousers were stained; he ended up visiting the hospital instead of the Christmas tree. The teacher drove him all the way home, in his own carriage: a Russian, who had defended him from an Uzbek. No, generosity or meanness had nothing to do with nationality.

Бир куни ўзининг болалигида ерли рус мактабида ўқиятган чоғи ҳавас қилиб башанг янги шим, янги чопонда арча байрамига келаётганида мактаб қоровули Холмирза-тажанг эшик тагида тутиб олиб: “Сан ҳам копир бўлдингми?” - деб балдоқи билан бола болдирига аямай тушириб қолганида, буни кўрган адабиёт ўқитувчиси Георгий Евстигнеевич, чолнинг олдига келиб, тоза сарт тилида: “Ахир Исо ибн Мариямнинг милоди бу. Исо сенинг ҳам пайғамбаринг-ку!” - деб айтганини эслади Абдулла. Ўшанда янги шимию оёғи қонга буланиб, арча байрамининг ўрнига Георгий Евстигнеевичнинг извошчигида аввал касалхона, сўнг уйига қайтган эди у. Йўқ, саҳоватинг ҳам, разолатинг ҳам миллати бўлмас экан.

His father was right when he said that a man can be in thrall to devils, especially if he is a writer. You have only to set to work to be gripped by your plans and inventions, and everything else seems vanity, triviality, a distraction. Over the last month Abdulla had covered reams of paper, having told himself: If I can sit down on my own this winter, I will finish writing the novel. And now all those hopes had been dashed. The Tatar NKVD man had found the manuscript, stuffed it in the only suitcase in the house, and taken it
away with him. And he was hardly going to read it, was he? Could he even decipher the old Arabic script of Uzbek? Or would he hire some black-eyed locals to read it for him?

Чиндан ҳам отаси айтмиш, жин босар экан, ёзувчи одамни. Ишга киришдингми – зикру хаёлинг ана ўша тўқимада, қолгани - фақат алахсиш, фақат чалғишдек туюлар экан. Ўтган ой ичида анча-мунча қоғозларни қоралаб қўйди Абдулла, айтмовдими: “Шу қиш узлат қилиб ўтирсам, қиссани ёзиб битказаман” - деб. Афсус, ишнинг белига от тепди. Анави анди татар топган қўлёзмасини уйдаги биттаю битта жомадонга босиб, ўзи билан олиб келди. Ўқирмикан барини? Эскичага кўзи ўтармикан? Ё яна ўзининг қора кўзларидан ёллаб, уларга ўқитармикан?

When they arrived at their place of exile, G’ozi-xo’ja’s family somehow built themselves a hovel to protect themselves from the fearful cold. They now had to live on what their father could earn by teaching children of the local poor to read and write, while Qandak and Oyxon made embroidered skull-caps. They embroidered in silk, but wore coarse calico dresses. All their earnings were spent on food. To relieve her father, Oyxon taught her younger siblings herself, putting them to bed at night, telling them fairy stories and writing verses for them.

Қиш қаҳратонида яйдоқроқ ерда бир кулба қуриб Сайид Ғози-хожа маҳалладаги учта-тўртта майдага дарс ўқитиш ила, Қантак-пошшо билан Ойхон-пошшо эса дўппи тикиш ила кун кўриша бошлашди. Дўппи гулларини ипакдан тикишса-да, ўзлари бўз кўйлак кийишди. Топган-тутганлари фақат қора қозонни қайнатишига етиб турди холос. Кичик ука-сингилларини - отасини уринтирмасдан - ўзи ўқитди Ойхон-пошша. Уларга аллалар айтди, эртаклар тўқиди, ғазаллар битди.